i'm touched today. again - when i heard my fren telling his story.
i din share his experience in that sense, but i noe wat it takes for one to narrate a story like that.

i like to read and watch movies. i hav come across ideas, plots, dramas, and stories which r much more majestically tragic than that.

but when some one u cared sincerely shared his/her heart and soul, the impact, as a human would feel, is much more thorough than any films could arouse.

i was pumped with all sorts of unidentical feelings running in my veins when i got his stories and were literally stunned for a few sec.
i really was and am still sorry to hear that. i really am.

i hope i were bttr help. but as a fren, i'm happy to c him stayin strong and lookin at things on the bright side. equally happy for him to share his experience with me, jus like how i'm learnin to share my feelings with other ppl more. for(the very fact) i'm able to feel the friction, perhaps a lil more than others.

i shall treasure all the kids in my family (which are a sudden boom lately). i like them so much, and therefore i could relate to imagine ur loss my fren. thr's no end to learn to appreciate everything one has in life. i think i'm really living a lil more through the words i play with now.
my frens, i'm feeling u more than i could, as my life experience is enriched by the day.

i seldom pray. but my sincerest prayers are with the newborn.
i would be equally happy should he live a happy, healthy and fulfilling life.
i shall pray with the emotions and wishes i have for my own sis, nieces and nephews, for the blessings upon the kid. i'm not sure wat good it does, but i certainly hope it helps in one way or another, directly or indirectly.

i have seen a mirror of life in a day. two sides of it. its also the full month celebration of my niece.

glad that ur hanging tough. gambatte my fren. bonnuit.
good nite and good luck.

ad

p/s- i'm not sure if u mind me posting this, hence the conscious effort to try to retract from detailing ur story too much. hope its not crossing wat it should hav been. pls let me noe if i had crossed the line, for i would be more than willing to edit wherever inapproprite.

RIW(12-15/01/07)-Charlie the Champ not the Chimp~!

yaha~~~we survived the camp!
well it was certainly an awesome experience. glad that i had my teammates with me, equally happy with the facilitators assigned to us, and the game design, and the organizin comm, n etc ...
i will not (i hope lol, n i hope we shan't) forget :
singing outloud hakuna matata, negaraku n some other incredibly stupid if not childish songs hikin up hill :P ;
soaking in the river together n doing other stupid things that one can do at the river with imagination ;
whoop it up with the group cheer religiously, even when time does not allow that :P ;
sliding , falling, tripping in style(at times ugly, o lord i hav neva fallen so many times a day in my life for my sense of balancing is at least average if not good :P) ;
and having a hole at my ass(o yea the ass whipping hot sensation);
and wearing mud all over, at times even munching mud;
and being saved by xin all the time;
and listening to steve saying i cant take this no more throughout the trek but neva quit (ur my man bro~!) ;
pinching or being pinched at my face and being slapped becuz of mozzies that din exist ;
doing the penguin warm up routine together after near-frozen experience (yea rivers arent always comfy :P, for such emotional lovers they are);
being fully awake watching the trees n the sky on the 1st nite while others r slp'g sweetly(while prayin hard that the staff come n wake us up asap);
slp'g so close to each other that leon's face was jus 50 milimeter rite in front of mine if i turned inward (datz so geli, n so brokeback ;P) ;
playing games that i hav no clue at all while a sea of voices from the kids saying that yea i played this b4, we should... ;
fooling around with absurd ideas of fundraising (all the time) ;
doin the thai accent shit talkin about ping pong party 200 bath and ended with sowatdeekrap :P trying the tests together (and failing too :P) ;
sharing a chocolate bar on the bus :P ;
who are we ;
what are we ;
CHARLIE ;

man u kids hav got no idea wat u hav done to(enrich) my life (positively)
n man u wont hav a clue how much i hav learned from u

i sincerely hope that u'll be blessed with fulfilling years ahead of u

who are me? CHARLIE~
what are we? THE CHAMP
Charlie!!
Charlie Charlie Chit Bom Bom
Wuuuuuu~~~~Ahhh~

with warmest regards

officially graduated now, lol jus got my fyp result...not bad, way bttr than i thot
its a happy day, yaha~

2007-The Irony, the Hope and the Alacrity

Thr’s always a thing with great irony/apparent contrast. At least to me.
In close to absolute silence, my heart speaks loudest.
But, however loud my heart speaks, she did/does not stop me.
To run from fear, and to fear of runs.
Run is the undesired manifestation of a gratifying pull-I run away from what pulls me towards it.
Probably that’s why I have a thing for irony, especially cynical contrasts that reflect themselves upon my action opposite to my feelings.

But wat on earth m I doing while my heart speaks? And when my mind answers to that?
A simple answer : …?

Lol, like I hav always said, I dun need to drink to get drunk ya :P

Lol perhaps feeling the new year, pondering about wat she brings.
Flashing back 2006, or even years before that wheneva relevant; like how ur linked to the archive of Iraq when u read about Saddam; like tasting a glass of wine after meal, not thinking anything n yet ur mind gets wild like a drunken mustang. Especially true for a person with a hyperactively jumpy mind, like the scattered sparklets of the firework I saw that said hi to 2007. Voila. Across the globe, almost everyone, and every mind and every heart wishes for a better year. The wishes invited Tsunami last year and 8 bombs this year. Probably Saddam’s execution answers to some Kurd’s or Shiite’s wish, but arguably is a milestone of a bttr year. I just could not help but to compare the dazzling fireworks that shone above me and the fireworks that took place on the ground in Bangkok and in many places of military conflicts. I made my resolution n wished for the bttr when I was visually showered by the amusing beauty of the firework; but what would I have thought n done if I was in the latter scenario?

And again my mind is scattered, at some point hollow, maybe because I can’t bear the scarce probability of another wish (dream) comes true. Yea sometimes ppl do wish for something too good to be true. That is why when a wish erects upon the rays of hope; it leaves behind a shadow of grope. Still, in fear I hope, in hope I fear.


We, the ppl, crave for peace and happiness since Adam, or the Great Ape; but yet somehow always stuck in bloodswamps for various reasons. like the troops in iraq.
N so many other significant members making major decisions that could affect the world unwillingly, yea n I meant getting addicted to youtubes lol

I’m glad that I hav yet another safe year last year. I’m still alive, in one piece, w functional brain n body (yea esp certain parts :P), a complete family, caring friends and ignorant bastards m yada yada, wat can be bttr? Seriously, datz all I need to live on. Do I always think lk that? No. especially when I hav an argument w my sis :P but at least I do think about that yaha. Last year has been very rich tho quiet as in it let me see so many things so clearly. Its surprisingly, excitingly pleasant when ur able to see things with perceivably great clarity, tho sometimes it flickers across my mind that it would be great if I could see through things literally lol. Personally, I enjoy the irony in me no more. It makes me an interesting individual tho. Hope I’ll get rid of that pretty soon. And I will. Making that an agenda this year, I have become happier a man :P

On another note I wanna sincerely thank all my precious friends for being who they are. They would never realized that a thing they say sometimes does make me think(sometimes more than twice). Never would they know as well, how much they have helped when I dwelt too much into depression and self-doubt, through just the normal things we do- jogging, talking crap, working out, blogging, having a drink together or just being there with me, or even jus knowing that u cared when I could have ‘phantomized’ my existence even more. I owe my happiness to u guys n my family as well.

Perhaps the tone of the writing is deceiving in a way that I have been living an absolutely hakuna matata life. Like I have told many of my frens, I have been living like a retiree even when I have not started working permanently in my life. Probably after a few days of intensively celebrative days, I’m feeling the relative downs despite of still being happy.
I have learned with life that happiness is really potent in every single thing in life, after I have felt it in every thing I do recently. Lying in the sofa doing nothing, cooking with my sis, doing grocery shopping w my sis or frens, doing weight training at home, reading, having something to eat when hungry, having some frens around when I dun feel lk being alone…they all make me peacefully happy. Tranquility has become another facet/façade of my source of happiness. (not sure if this is a sign ageing tho :P)

Welcoming the new year as well, I have figured out wat I want to do and where I want to be. The how process is difficult and might be another scarcely probable mission. However, knowing wat to do with known difficulty tho extreme, to me, is still better than not knowing wat to do. :P

The years begone have enriched me to come to realize that everything I have now is a bliss, n its evolving(for the bttr). It feels lk time is really a good filter that after time what is left is the best. It applies to interests, friends, personal credentials, individual character and perhaps quality of life too :P.

I hope u feel the same.
And that ur happy there.
And I love u.
All of u.

With alacrity, I’m laying my hopes for the best of u and of me and of everybody (who loves peace :P)

To the world, Adam is joining u very soon.
Bid myself a smooth sail ahead.
Cheerio.
2007, Bonjour~

p/s congrats guys for winning the world’s esl, wished I could be there tho :P
p/s 2, n yea i have a new niece born healthily yaha~~

Adam is back. o yea, so wat about it?...
Honestly, there really is no answer for that, as wat it means cannot be more subjective.
And who really does care btw.
these past 2 or 3 months have been quite heavy, not simply becuz thr's so much to do, or to rush for, or to frail upon, or to worry about. it simply is that it seems to me that so much hav happened, too many twists. even more than the prestige. sometimes there even had no time for me 2 react.
its like the year has been procrastinating and saving all that could have or could not have happened and cram it within this period n observe how dynamic we can be.
of cuz, life goes on, eventually, after all the aftermath ripples rest, but it doesnt mean that taking it all from life and to learn will be as easy as it sounds.
but then dun get me wrong, nothing really sad happened, really.
eventho i learned with my life, i feel with my soul the meaning and importance of independence. trust me, regardless of how much historical events that cite independence that one can remember or understand, he/she will not really understand independence unless he/she has been pathetically reliant on somebody else, be it technically, financially, soulfully or physically in which the dependence is not welcomed and is not mutual.
u would have to feel begging mercy by chipping out ur pride, dignity and personal feelings and helplessly accept wateva conditions offered regardless of how ur treated. if ur desperate.
u would have to feel ur hopes being played up and down and ur trust being checked in or scrambled, neither at ur will but others.
only when u are canned, u would appreciate the meaning and the ability and the blessings jus for u to be independent as a person. like a prisoner being freed. like the belt around ur neck unchained. then u really feel wat independence is. not studying independence how ur gov is teaching on D national day year after year. it really is a state of mind.
sometimes, there's no short cut but pain to reach that world of independence;sometimes u need to be whipped in life to break free.

on another note, things appear to be like getting a hold of the mirage in the water. wateva it means, jus a feeling i momentarily have, lol probably a state of mind

till then i sincerely hope the best for all
and that every can appreciate every moment he/she lives to the fullest
i hope u see a road out if ur lost

i hope that i could hav been clearer and more organized and focused, but
its just a way of life of mine when i'm down but not depressed; lost but not desperate; having something in mind but quite disoriented; having something to say but not quite sure wat

i certainly hv been missing for quite some time.. well wat else can i say.. the due date for my fyp is drawing near and its feeding ants into my chests. so wat then explains my presence here at the moment. unfortunately, its not for a good reason. i would rather slp if i could than 2 be here at this hour at my fren's house. well let's jus forget this, i should hav been wiser to hav avoided all this. no1 to be blamed but me.

let's jus hope that it wont affect me for the whole week.

life's really ironic, esp when u work so hard for something, u get swirled into the contrary. for instance, i worked so hard to live a healthier life. really cant recall when was the last time i slpt past 2 am n trust me that's real achievement for me. however,... wat else can i say?

first, like i said, i could hav avoided this if i were smart enough
2ndly, i cant be frustrated cuz some1's being inconsiderate when i myself hav not been able 2 clearly express my wants and how i feel

bet i'll jus suck it up this time. good nite and good luck
all the best to all of u
sincerely, despite of a boiling heart and steaming ears
cheerio

another laid back week, and while i'm peacefully resting

been back from NZ for a week now. as usual, a whole week is spent catching up w frens, more time w my sis, try talkin 2 ppl whom i wanna talk with, play w my nephews n nieces if not watching them play, oh yea itz daniel's bday yesterday. really cute. played w him n sha sha 2, who used 2 b afraid of me, but no more. trully a king of the kids i am, for i play w them as if i m a peer of theirs..lol. but unfortunately i din take their pic w my fon. had chloe's from a dinner few days ago. another niece i hav. i can only say that my cousins r pretty productive lol. i would say there were some happy moment over wat i did over the past one week.

definitely i hav not started my project 2. n datz literally haha. hope i can really do it as i'm still pretty clueless, n i think itz far beyond my league :P sigh need lotsa work n assistance and luck :P

the other day, the general ethics lecturer was making fun of US middle easterns' policies, and the lastest one way bombardment of lebanon and Israel's menace across the country over 2 kidnapped soldiers. My lec wasnt happy w the fact that many innocence are punished over 2 soldiers and US ignorance in this case. well US certainly does not, n most likely will not offer a benevolent hand, without an interest to pursue. n wat other bigger interest lebanon can offer, aside from itz famous lebanon bread n kebab that yields bttr goal than free service to bomb Hezbollah? haha datz y syria and iran are the problem of the middle east rather than those which r engaged in bombs exchange. sniff sniff , they sure noe wat they r smelling.. :P definitely not bread and kebabs. sad, but thats how things work.

meanwhile, our neighbour records one of itz most unfortunate year in recent history. volcano eruption, earthquake and tsunami hit that country in 2 months. while casualties are mounting, the aid and international attention is barely wat it was 2 years ago. n certainly and more importantly, less is achieved than it should for the past 2 years to predict such forceful geo-thermalogical activities to bttr protect the people. sadly, dun think lotsa ppl, esp those directly affected realize this. probably wat most ppl in the region need 2 study is the elected government and every individual's inter-relationship and each and every party's responbility to establish a functional democratic sys. probably they should read social contract..lol daz a book i bought recently. finally some serious reading after mentionin social contract to impress for the past 4 years. hmmm sometimes i wished i did more reading in the past n not now n not in the future.

at homeland, i certainly dunno y should the wedding of a celebrity cover the whole front page rather than a constitutional dispute over a historical review of the 2 most prominent races in the country. its trully sad if itz a mirror of the depth of ppl interest nowadays. n i thot the media plays a role in educating the ppl. guess i was wrong. n certainly the gov has done much 2 prevent the periodic haze problem that itz solution or any proposal is still unheard of. itz really frustating especially something that ppl feel with their own lungs and body, personally and economically, is not comparable to the news that the engagement ring is worth 400k. wat hav i done? certainly nothing, most probably wat i hav been doing will be wat i will be doing. thatz y i'm whining here, jus like many other more who jus noe how 2 talk. tho i personally believe more in action than words, i certainly hav not lived up to my belief. sad, mayb, but daz how ordinary i am. definitely not alone tho.

the world 2day i feel is more threatened than eva. more challenges, more conflicts, more disasters, more deaths. it requires more resilience of humanity that could be preserved not through wars. united we stand. but through out history, it shows that it easier for us 2 fall 2gether. real politics. real life. datz wat many believe. still some reservation for me. i hope thats not a bad thing.

Addiction

There are times that u eventually end up fightin to reject something, be it some substance, some habits, some wateva that u welcome with great enthusiasm and alacrity when it first comes into ur life. Contradictory? Tell me about it. Almost all my smoker frens were really excited when they started. Almost all wanna quit now. However, only one managed to do it thus far .(n he’s a Hungarian..watz the relation dude? Well this is adam, and adamization, jus take it :P). The Americans were really hyper about Iraq, and now, they hav more pressure than eva to leave that place. But they cant. Well it really can be anything. Sometimes itz a thot. Sometimes it mayb a word that u say everyday. it can be an ideal sometimes. Once it’s become a habit that u cant quit, ur in it. N u mite wanna fight against it, once u find out that a particular habit and ur reliance upon it is deteriorating u as a person someway or another. U wanna eventually reject it. N u find out the more u try, the harder it becomes. The more u struggle, the deeper u sink. Like in a swamp.

The worldcup is another cyclone’s eye. Some r really so stuck into it already. Some has lost more than 10 grand. Some cant help chasing the games faithfully even if it means 2 hours of slp before work. Haha I’m one of them, n hence explains the unfocused, casual/themeless, n mayb senseless expression here. I’m simply too tired I guess. Physically. And job frustration too. :P. there r certainly things that I wanna quit.

Eg unhealthy worldcup syndrome

My practical duty
Insomnia
Periodic depression (lol u noe wat I mean)
depression mite hav ghastly become a habit here

N lot more to name. really tired. More real adamization when I’m conscious.

i barely made it to the teams ~! :P
again, i saw pigeons flying, golden lites and angels
again, the peaceful scene was brought out by gothic ironically :P
there's peace in horror, romanticism in punk. (tho i prefer alternative more :P, yea still like LP tho mite not be crazily into it no more, sigh age o age)
explosive excitement in desperation turned dead environment due to the impression that i really sucked big time and the pscho prep for early retirement that i hav 'zen'-ed up myself 2 accept :P, like bombing scenes of a war in some movies while the sopranos r singing peacefully at the back. absolute contrast was wat i felt-rite after the chaotic outburst of all senses and feelings contesting 2 dominate in a somewat warped time-space that nothing could b really defined or rationalized. really happy :P m grateful even by jus makin the cut for wateva reasons there may be. hmm it really sounds messy (but who cares :P, happiness needs no boundary nor explanation, neither does it need 2 beg for understanding) so true for my sis n mom who r happier than i, tho they mite not understand the meaning to me, nor how much i wan2 b there for one last time. thanx ppl n i really wanna share that regardlessly. yea ppl no matter where u r, watcha doing, wat u actually think of this, feel wat i feel eventho i mite be 2 shy 2 express (it)verbally 2 share, embrace it. this is adamization~!

again adam is set in motion. enjoy the feelin of workin along w my team. happy w everyday cuz i work hard to the fullest n tire myself out to the max for wat the team defines as a goal. this is adamization.

again i hav not yet gotten back my bag. a shadow that mirrors the golden lite. a stain in my volcanic excitement. this is not adamization. i dun need the sense of my trust being abused to be reinforced. this is adamization
:P

passion rules the game. this is adamization~

slpless in the eve of e selection day again.
neva learned how 2 get rid of this... jus like how i neva learned in some other things too.
thr r times tat i cant afford the kid in me, jus that i dun realize it.
isnt much that i can do now. come wat may.
fear no pain.
cheerio

When depression hits u, it jus comes. No sign, no warning, no knock knock. U jus feel it. N ur in it.

D day wasn’t really bad. Had a stupidly-nice day w my old frens singing. A jog at dusk but still its not enough positive energy.

However, there r things that r really worth celebratin 2day. Kathy is done w her wedding and honeymoon. Hope she’ll b blessed w only happiness here after since she has had a pretty dramatically bumpy love life :P hope daz a gr8 beginning.

Suddenly I miss all my frens :P hav already met some, more to go till m not free again. Not many days left 2 burn I hope (for some obvious reasons). But Greedy adam wants 2 meet all his frens b4 he is bz again nonetheless. Daz the mission till end of next week.

Stay cool for Sunday adam. U can do it. Be a man, do the rite thing

Had a very hearty dinner and a mv with 2 of my very old frens (not as in their respective age tho). We had thai food. Itz nice by itself, but it really was complemented by the presence of my frens. Frens who hav been there since I was really little. Wat we talked or did 2day barely matter to any of us, but its warm. Guess itz whom I talk 2, not wat about(that matters). Some times itz the seemingly most irrelevant said things, or response that inspire me, or anchor my determination in something, but guess they would not know :P.But I’m glad 2 noe that they r living a good life, and things r at least ok in all respects :P
Still recuperating from the exhaustion, but itz getting bttr. Still need sometime2 blog about my php trip cuz it mite b quite lengthy+ I dunno how 2 start at the moment.
Looking forward 2 2 things-> austral, and …
Looking for more old frens in these coming few days.

well really havn't been updating recently despite of not being crazily buzy. Practical ,one, bad connection, two. Cant really upload anything even when i tried at times. Bravo to the monopoly of broadband provider, I'm sure it's description in wikipedia.org is telling something.

nothing much really, a few good movies to brighten up my days(the inside man, lucky number slevin, V , north country), 2 days in the scool's debate, and jus took a pill after lunch. At my workplace now (yea m havin my practical training, pretty sick, pretty depressive). Stacking boxes, and sortting documents and records is wat i do these days. yea apart from a pretty cool visitation to the maintenance hangar about a week ago.

well think the drug starts takin over me now. May Mr Scottfield rest in peace(http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4929036.stm). cheerios

FYP 1 submission date. :P my supervisor told me that itz ok 2 submit later. luckily i din listen 2 him regardless how nice a person he is.
came across a notice tat reads " whoever fails 2 submit on the submissioon day is not allowed 2 present it, and is considered failing the course ". lucky me
2mr is my interview day, D-Day or else i cant grad in the end of the year
wish me luck man :P
cheerios

i din intend that. i dun want that 2 be like this.
i would not hav done the same. n i thot i hav that set aside.
i saw something, that triggered some long gone feelings n now itz haunting my spirit for finals. i wished i was more a man . i hope i hav grown n m more prepared for 2mr or the next stage . i hope i can study for finals. i hope i can slp. i hope...

A religion UN


Yona Metzger, the Israelist Chief Rabbi called for " a UN with representatives of religious groups"in the International Congress of Imams and Rabbis for Peace in Seville, Spain yesterday. The conference displayed promising prospects of the feasibility of such plan carried out as the Imams and Rabbis leaders were prepared for constructive criticism from each other. They all agreed that "politicians lied but religious leaders have a different objective- to work towards a higher good " (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4800194.stm). That was reflected in the conference's language which was decribed as "usually brutally direct" and not "polite and diplomatic ", unlike the cunning politicians (with their tails hiding while they lie with a wide graceful smile on the face lol). The good thing is, they all strongly opposed the notion of any killing in the name of religions.

Well, the intention sure is noble. Any shout out to end killing in the world is always needed. However, there are a few hurdles to world peace through religious re-empowerment movements.

I dun mean to sound sacrelegious or blasphemous, but the Religion UN(referred as RUN here onwards, not official as well, simply for my convenience writing here) will have to always maintain the good will of the leaders/representatives. I concurr that all mainstream(or probably non mainstream) religions propagate good. However, not all religious leaders are saints. Bear in mind that many terrorist-attacks are initiated by religious leaders when it's hardly the last resort at times, aside from all those reasons why secularism was born. Assuming that those who project massive threats to innocents are not real religious leaders, will it really be different from politicians when leaders around the world, each representing their own ppl, come together 2 discuss global issues. Will they not have to listen to the ppl when it's opposing their gut feelings and conscience as a leader? Is a leader still a leader when his follower dump him for some unpopular, but not neccessarily evil notion? Politic is inevitable when ppl r to work on something together. Noble systems always fall not because of the nature of the system, but the nature of human.Clearly some sort of mechanism or definition is needed as to how much ppl's sentiment is considered.

This is not to say that the proposal would neccessarily be a farce. Logically, respected religious leaders would be more considerate than self-interests based politicians. The general assumptions are that religious leaders are less self centered and hence more inclined to speak for the real interest of the ppl. But again, only time can give the answer againt power corrosion.Another problem is how to qualify a religious leader. Would the RUN welcome the religious leaders of a Voo doo master? What's is its attitudes towards minor sects within a particular religion? What about Jedi master? What about the founder of Fa Lun Gong?Who defines a religion? What about the proportion of representation's distribution in RUN? For instance, how many seats for a particular sect in a particular religion? Are the leaders transboundary (geographically)? How are they going to determine who represents who then? All these complications will prevail when one RUN were to be founded.

And we have to think about the dynamic change it brings to domestic and global political sphere too. With the religions of the world coming together, will it be able to accumulate sheer support from the ppl each religion carries to interfere in state's policies? Will it be able to dictate that homosexuality is a crime? Will it force the gov to halt any public or private research of cloning or GM food? Will it silent the gov's campaign of safe sex using condoms? Will it then lead to A non religious UN? a secular UN? Is that not gonna further divide the already divided world? Clearly, a very carefully defined RUN is needed.

While itz worrisome that the RUN is overly powerful, its limits are shown in certain environments. For eg, a country which is dictated and firmly controlled by a military regime. What the religious leaders think mite not make any changes there. Neither will the ppl's voices, after religious leaders' preachery, will really make any changes, unless they revolt. Similarly, those religious leaders in exile, will not likely to restall their sovereignty(for eg Dalai Lama) through RUN. Well it's pretty crazy to think a bout a clash between RUN and UN's big 5 and is victorious against big 5. It's equally scary to think about an extreme conflict between those two cuz both hav nukes :P

Despite all those negative pop ups i had in mind, i personally hope that it will flourish into a peaceful resolution powerhouse pertaining religious issues. All religious conflicts can then be referred to RUN instead of exchanging bombs. But, the pretext is that it needs untouchable religious credibility, so that a peaceful standard/ measure can be applied world wide, and so that ppl wont resort to some other channels.

well cross ur fingers for me pals, final's nearing, so is fyp submission and presentation, and the EIT deadline 2. really feel mentally tormented

c ye when itz all over

good luck 2 all my frens having finals out there

the spacecraft class ended earlier than it should. 2day's a pretty free day despite of still having all sort of to-dos washing my mind. yup 2nite i'll hav to load my mind before i talk 2 my supervisor again 2mr. not forgetting i'll hav a quiz for flight mech 2. hmmm itz gonna b interesting 2 think how 2 maximize the remaining time till 2mr. :P

with final nearing, 2day is however not a day of alacrity as usual :P feel pretty lifeless for no reason. n yet i hav to constantly worry about my internship placement which is pretty crucial to me for a few reasons. on-time graduation is one.

o n guess wat i jus checked bbc and thaksin's hinting on probable political break(lol wat does this mean anyway? it doesnt sound like a discharge nor a resignation. for more info , pls check http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/4807758.stm). if he did resign, it means 'lazy politic' wins again. instead of tryin 2 educate/convince the rural thais (that forms thaksin's 'unshakable ' support base) that he's corrupt (if they really think that he is) , the oppositions chose an easy way to bring that on the streets (so did the ppl). i hav talked about how it cultivates a political practice which paves a detour from the on-going democratic establishment in that country. hope that its a rite choice.

n btw sony's delayin itz ps3 launch. take it easy guys :P.

double edged swords of support groups in modern world

i'm basically bloggin in my aerospace lab now, thanks to my groupmates of taking care of other parts of the lab problems (takin a break now as i just finished my part, of cuz i will help later :P). people hav been workin in groups before history since we realized the synergy of workin together. hence, to help curing or extinguishing certain addictions or illness, we hav support groups to support each other, so that we r motivated when we r weak.

thatz y we have support groups in rehab centers, in sex addicts therapy n etc

however, the innovative us will always seek for wider applications in wateva progress we have. in japan, the biggest suicide pact was reported yesterday that all the members, who initially were afraid to die supported each other, encouraged one another when they were scared. with the aid of internet, strangers, who suddenly were intimate cuz they found something in common (wanna die) and developed a workin group to achieve certain objectives.
watz more worryin is that itz become a trend in that country as reflected by a sharp rise of suicide pact since last year (in 2005, 91 ppl died, while in 2004 55 died from suicide pacts)

thatz the beauty of a world with free flow of information. u can slash ur enemies throat w all the technological advance we hav. but sometimes, the enemy is ourselves sometimes. (n itz more tended to be in our modern lives)

frens do me a favor. if i ever tell u that i wanna die, do not give me a knife. :P
i love my life
cheerios




1st draft on 10.3.06 ,1520

the magical power of a ray of light

i hav gotten back my aircraft design yesterday. did pretty well despite of all those hard times 2 even study for it. in the end of the day i jus gotta study for a few hours for it. well i really din even hope for anything for that paper and i thot i was doomed. jus as i thought that itz gonna ease up my mounted pressure a bit, i found that i was really wrong. i was sucked deeply into an undescribable warped world of helplessness when i wanted 2 do more for my final year project. hopeless was the only answer after i had desperation for some time. i was so tensed (that i felt like pullin my hair[regardless of wat purpose it served]) until i decided to be a man n do the right thing 2 talk 2 my supervisor. of cuz i was scolded. but then i was so much relieved after discovering that i dun have to dig so deep a shithole for my final year project. well to be really honest i could c a ray of light showering me (w some gothic music and flying pigeons as the background) when i was about 2 lose all hope and leave myself (& my FYP) to b swallowed into the darkness. :P

On the other hand, Mr Annan announced his outlines for a radical UN makeover yesterday. it encompasses a change on UN managerial practices to address the problems of mismanagement and the whole oil for food programme scandal. Among his proposals, there r calls to outsource certain UN functions for eg the current translation engine in New York city which is now unaffordably expensive.

besides that, a special unit of peacekeeping force will be established under the command and maneuver of the secretary general. and that's supposed to attend some urgent missions. well given that itz probably one of the toughest jobs on earth, he's not really doin that badly. despite of a pretty vocal urge for him 2 step down last year over UN's inability to react in opposition's of the big 5 in certain issues, he remains in his position, not without a reason. war on iraq, us's unilateralism, inability to express condemnation on Israel's walls with the amplification of the UN, all the results of UN's inherent frailties of inevitable reliance on those countries militarily and financially, were suddenly his fault as the SG.

wat the world has forgotten is wat he's done right while swarming us with charges against him on wat he;s done wrong. the world has 4got the big5 pressure that he has to deal with (as the main contributors financially and militarily) wheneva he wants to forward a peace loving people caring resolution. (for more on his contribution , we can refer to http://www.kituochakatiba.co.ug/annan.htm). well m not gonna keep on trumpeting his contribution here, not that i'm really a hardcore fan of him.

the point here is the proposals that he announced were not really addressing to the problems that many member states define. it doesnt discuss about any change in the security council nor any active measures in limiting the "menace of veto power". (quite frankly, after the cold war only a handful of vetoes r used, not to say that its justified tho). however, wat it offers is a more probable hand to countries that hav no interests to offer to the big5 to step in. in contrast for some ppl who drum for a drastic total remake of the security council(m not really gonna talk about that as a means to gain publicity n more support here), these small lil changes r probably more comforting. not only that itz more probable (well cuz itz not really a credible SC if u dun hav those big 5 2 stay, therefore u need 2 offer some carrots in exchange for their 'favor'), it solves the problems subtly to certain extent 2. the main current of the extreme make over propagators is that military involvement is highly dictated by the big5, regardless of itz necessity, severity and urgency. now that there's a special unit under the SG's command, there's a bridge to introduce other non SC members to decide on certain military issues, if not to the SG himself. of cuz there r concerns of the backlash like abuse of more power given to the SG. but its between the options of the SC and someone else. given that popular vote is not even close to the slightest probability so far, jus as the proposed make over plan, probably we can only try to give our good faith in it. besides, by having a troop under him, he cant possibly maneuver it to attack a country in which its leader shows him his middle finger rite? without dismantling the UN, this kinda indirect effort to fragment the concentration of power cant really b a really drastic one. at least not really those proposed so far. a ray of light mite not be strong enough to a lot of ppl, but at the same time it represents that darkness is gonna end soon. lol i hope its at least applicable 2 my own case.

jus like the attack in iraq. it has aroused the awakening of HR practice in its neighbours. women in Iran were rallying for equality yesterday. to think about this is worse than absurd not to long ago, but it happened yesterday. n we hav had more women representation at the parliamentary level in a handful of the arab countries after Iraq. i'm pretty sure this wasnt a part of US plan(despite how much they r tryin to snatch it). the point is when ppl see a glimpse of hope, they fight for their betterment. a hope of change in any case is not a bad one.

sometimes slight change can b 2 lil a progress and a lightyear far from the idealistic pic, but a lot of changes need to evolve slowly. drastic changes arent necessary all the times (most of the times itz jus a sensational gesture to draw ur attention to further some parties' self interests). this is especially true in the grand project in elimination of racial/ ethinic conflicts, or discrimination. this is becuz systemic changes alone don change ppl's perception, but a change of ppl's perception will always result in a fairer/ more representative systemic change. we have to bear in mind that we dont wanna destruct the the existing framework, we jus wanna improve that. those who always push for droppin UN neva said anything like who will do the job if not UN. similarly, those who wanna smash the veto neva said anything about who will execute peace orders if not them or who will bear the operational cost of sustainin UN. the only answer they hav is that itz unjustifiable, its unfair, its hegemonic. how about a more realistic try? they neva hav any founded / concrete ideas as wat they will really do that ensures the existence of the UN or similar body if the domimant parties retract from the frontline.

even if we wanted to get rid of their dictation, there r some prerequisites. one of them is that the other member states have to be militarily and economically strong enough to take over big5's jobs. but are we ready? for them, they jus wanna do it. probably they jus wanna feel great talkin 2 a gr8 compassionate audience and to lead high-spirited street protests. of cuz those r only my personal assessment. but the fact is, they dun provide a sound alternative which i think is pretty irresponsible. cuz even tho UN is not perfect, it's done pretty much to help. unless a bttr alternative is offered, we should keep it.

a ray of light in the darkness mite not be enough to make everything shiny, but the hope associated with that is really of tremendous thrust to fight for a bttr course. as for me, getting rid of the hopelessness for my project has definitely pulled me back in d positive track.

life is still beautiful to me

i'm not alone w my problems

watched final destination3 w kari 2day. not bad, reminds me of happy tree friends featuring real ppl. not that it bothers me, i gotta catch some breath in the end of the day anyway. but if i were 2 choose again, i would hav gotten the tickets for syriana.

i got back home, jeesh i realized the weather out there was no jokingly sizzling hot. i took a shower n was ready to get (back to/ raped by) my work but yea i couldnt really focus. sigh i really need 2 keep it rolling. m tired of being attacked by deadlines everyday (n some other prob2). well i really feel more depressed talkin bout my work so i'll drop that.

i then talked 2 my fren in the philipines, n apparently itz nothing like i thot. i would expect the military in town, while the people crouching quietly ready for the next demonstration of ppl power tat took down marcos and estrada. but nay, my fren sed everything is jus normal. no military no upset crowds on the streets. well it's not necessarily a bad thing after all. ever since the success of toppling marcos the corrupter, a culture of sacking elected leaders by force was born. ppl do believe in votes to elect a president but not in the case of changing one n hence the cyclical unrests wheneva a leader's deemed as a failure. thatz an obvious no-faith display in peaceful democratic resolution. it does nothing but hurting the country. leaving domestic peace alone, foreign investors will have to carefully think twice to really establish any kinf of corporal engagement there esp when the gov had been unable to handle these situations in the past. so if the reason that fuels the anguished crowd is poverty, this is the reason y more jobs cant b offered to the ppl (on top of business opportunity). if the leader is corrupted, there are ways to change it, there's no harm to do it peacefully and democratically, esp when the next election's is not scheduled at the end of the century.

ms arroyo's not alone in this region. this time mr thaksin is the man. after selling his telcom n media corp, he proposed a general election dated 2/4. dat should be safe, but alas, it would be one without the oppositions should it go on. three opposition parties refrained from the possible election. the PAD even threatens to escalate its rally to a violent one should Mr thaksin not resign by 5/3. y? isn't an election jus rite? it represents ppl will. daz the prob isnt it? despite of hikin anti thaksin movements in the cities, he has got continued support from the rural thais. well since some parties cant assure their victory, ppl's sentiment is flashed as (trump) cards again.thatz the game of the big guys isnt it? we, the people are always on their chess board. this time by both the gov and the opp. Mr PM, in return strikes back w his own supporters' rally to answer to the opp's rough challenge. if anything goes wrong, blood is really probable. thats even when the gr8 mr chamlong (hope i got it rite) voices his neutral stance in this issue.

again, there r some roots in the faith of unpeaceful resolution. there were 2 successful stories from a history of violence too. it brought down the government in 73 and 92, well dat probably explains a lil bout the political culture and the half hearted faith in actualizing a democracy- the ppl, the gov and the opp. unrests r not exclusive in these 2 countries. in malaysia, ppl need the gov to comfort'em following by the anger after a rise of 30 cents/liter in oil price (in the middle of growing fear from bird's flu). itz gr8 that it hasnt resulted in any visible unrest movements in this country.

in iraq, ppl r threatened by bombers.

jus as i hav said, every1 has some problems. daz a given, wat matters most is how we deal with'em. i personally think that violent resolutions and ppl's belief in it will not yield anything positive without dear cost(assuming that it does bring some good results).even if it does, it permits future violence. who will suffer? its the ppl. those politicians / business barons who fuel violent rejection of the gov don go up front. its the ppl. as ordinary ppl, wat we should realize is how to make a democratic gov works for us, not to learn how 2 work for certain gr8 ppl. we hav paid enough blood throughout history to glorify certain parties. no more blood should be shed 2 make;em richer/ more powerful.

m not a beauty pageant, but i do hope that peace prevails.

(*also posted on my hi5 and multiply )