I neva had felt the slightest negative sentiment from my fundraising effort, despite of the hardship, frustration and wat not that come along with it. The surreal ambition of selling 200 packs in less than a week; the dimly glittering hope to get favorable response from the sponsor and to be able to raise enough fund altogether and the sudden drastic change in my fundraising plans and the increasing constraints i had, did not make me feel busted. Not a bit. Not even a split second. Not a single thought.

I'm feelin sorry for my fundraising plea today. Very. For a split second i din wanna continue selling no more. Even though the thought was washed away not too long after it emerged, it din wash away the sense of guilt i have. I really feel sorry. That keeps the possibility of me not being able to sell enthusiastically flickering. Unpredictably.

A very close buddy, indeed an almost-lifelong fren to-date, was placed in a very difficult position tryin to help me. Then the sayin that fundraising is a bitch echoes in me. I'm no longer sure that i'll be able to refute that with absolute certainty. At least not at the moment. And a bigger question was whether its fundraising or its me who is the bitch. That's a very heavy question occupyin my mind now. I'm too tired now to think for the answer. And i really do not know wat to say to my fren. It sucks. Trully. Honestly i'm still not sure that it happened because of me. But i jus cant help thinkin/feelin that i'm a factor. directly or indirectly.

And i was gonna post something bubbly today. After visitin a teacher, had a union dinner with another teacher and some other old buddies.

Its dispelled now.

First Do No Harm.
Did i?