Addiction

There are times that u eventually end up fightin to reject something, be it some substance, some habits, some wateva that u welcome with great enthusiasm and alacrity when it first comes into ur life. Contradictory? Tell me about it. Almost all my smoker frens were really excited when they started. Almost all wanna quit now. However, only one managed to do it thus far .(n he’s a Hungarian..watz the relation dude? Well this is adam, and adamization, jus take it :P). The Americans were really hyper about Iraq, and now, they hav more pressure than eva to leave that place. But they cant. Well it really can be anything. Sometimes itz a thot. Sometimes it mayb a word that u say everyday. it can be an ideal sometimes. Once it’s become a habit that u cant quit, ur in it. N u mite wanna fight against it, once u find out that a particular habit and ur reliance upon it is deteriorating u as a person someway or another. U wanna eventually reject it. N u find out the more u try, the harder it becomes. The more u struggle, the deeper u sink. Like in a swamp.

The worldcup is another cyclone’s eye. Some r really so stuck into it already. Some has lost more than 10 grand. Some cant help chasing the games faithfully even if it means 2 hours of slp before work. Haha I’m one of them, n hence explains the unfocused, casual/themeless, n mayb senseless expression here. I’m simply too tired I guess. Physically. And job frustration too. :P. there r certainly things that I wanna quit.

Eg unhealthy worldcup syndrome

My practical duty
Insomnia
Periodic depression (lol u noe wat I mean)
depression mite hav ghastly become a habit here

N lot more to name. really tired. More real adamization when I’m conscious.

i barely made it to the teams ~! :P
again, i saw pigeons flying, golden lites and angels
again, the peaceful scene was brought out by gothic ironically :P
there's peace in horror, romanticism in punk. (tho i prefer alternative more :P, yea still like LP tho mite not be crazily into it no more, sigh age o age)
explosive excitement in desperation turned dead environment due to the impression that i really sucked big time and the pscho prep for early retirement that i hav 'zen'-ed up myself 2 accept :P, like bombing scenes of a war in some movies while the sopranos r singing peacefully at the back. absolute contrast was wat i felt-rite after the chaotic outburst of all senses and feelings contesting 2 dominate in a somewat warped time-space that nothing could b really defined or rationalized. really happy :P m grateful even by jus makin the cut for wateva reasons there may be. hmm it really sounds messy (but who cares :P, happiness needs no boundary nor explanation, neither does it need 2 beg for understanding) so true for my sis n mom who r happier than i, tho they mite not understand the meaning to me, nor how much i wan2 b there for one last time. thanx ppl n i really wanna share that regardlessly. yea ppl no matter where u r, watcha doing, wat u actually think of this, feel wat i feel eventho i mite be 2 shy 2 express (it)verbally 2 share, embrace it. this is adamization~!

again adam is set in motion. enjoy the feelin of workin along w my team. happy w everyday cuz i work hard to the fullest n tire myself out to the max for wat the team defines as a goal. this is adamization.

again i hav not yet gotten back my bag. a shadow that mirrors the golden lite. a stain in my volcanic excitement. this is not adamization. i dun need the sense of my trust being abused to be reinforced. this is adamization
:P

passion rules the game. this is adamization~

slpless in the eve of e selection day again.
neva learned how 2 get rid of this... jus like how i neva learned in some other things too.
thr r times tat i cant afford the kid in me, jus that i dun realize it.
isnt much that i can do now. come wat may.
fear no pain.
cheerio

When depression hits u, it jus comes. No sign, no warning, no knock knock. U jus feel it. N ur in it.

D day wasn’t really bad. Had a stupidly-nice day w my old frens singing. A jog at dusk but still its not enough positive energy.

However, there r things that r really worth celebratin 2day. Kathy is done w her wedding and honeymoon. Hope she’ll b blessed w only happiness here after since she has had a pretty dramatically bumpy love life :P hope daz a gr8 beginning.

Suddenly I miss all my frens :P hav already met some, more to go till m not free again. Not many days left 2 burn I hope (for some obvious reasons). But Greedy adam wants 2 meet all his frens b4 he is bz again nonetheless. Daz the mission till end of next week.

Stay cool for Sunday adam. U can do it. Be a man, do the rite thing

Had a very hearty dinner and a mv with 2 of my very old frens (not as in their respective age tho). We had thai food. Itz nice by itself, but it really was complemented by the presence of my frens. Frens who hav been there since I was really little. Wat we talked or did 2day barely matter to any of us, but its warm. Guess itz whom I talk 2, not wat about(that matters). Some times itz the seemingly most irrelevant said things, or response that inspire me, or anchor my determination in something, but guess they would not know :P.But I’m glad 2 noe that they r living a good life, and things r at least ok in all respects :P
Still recuperating from the exhaustion, but itz getting bttr. Still need sometime2 blog about my php trip cuz it mite b quite lengthy+ I dunno how 2 start at the moment.
Looking forward 2 2 things-> austral, and …
Looking for more old frens in these coming few days.